Defining Doofuses

ekp-mcauley-0924-2Each Tuesday I share a dating story or lesson on the blog. This week is no exception. I share from experience and a healthy dose of stories from my friends. For those of you that I might date, these posts are clues for you. Gigantic clues about what I – and other women – want in a relationship. Even if you’re a doofus you can learn.

Defining Doofus

The Urban Dictionary defines doofus as, “Someone who hasn’t got a clue! They live in blissful ignorance of the world, fashion, personal hygiene and social skills.” It’s really the last point that hits home.

A dating doofus asks you for coffee when you haven’t exchanged more than two lines of comments back and forth. He might not have even shared his name or phone number but he wants to have coffee with you. I know a lot of people beyond a two line email exchange and don’t want to have coffee – or dinner or anything else – with them.

Get a clue, doofus.

I need to know more about you before I will meet you. You could be the ax murderer my married friends are telling me I am sure to meet while online dating.

A dating doofus doesn’t get the subtlety of conversation. Heck, the dating doofus doesn’t get it when you’re obvious either! A guy asked me to a sporting event for our first date. I asked him if we could do something else like coffee or meet for a drink. His response? “Only [sporting event], sweetie.”

My response, “Have fun.”

[Translation: Have a nice life, doofus.]

That wasn’t even the end of the conversation. I had to actually say I wasn’t interested.

Let’s break this down for you, Sweetie:

The ridiculousness of a sporting event as a first date

Even if I were a rabid sports fan, I can’t have a conversation with you at a sporting event. I can’t look into your eyes to see if what you’ve said online or on the phone is what your eyes, your soul, are saying. I am not competing with a sporting event for your attention – especially on a first date.

Your idea sucked but…

I suggested going for coffee or a drink instead of a sporting event – Doofuses, this means your idea sucked BUT I am still interested enough to meet you.

You called me sweetie

You might as well have called me the “c” word. That’s how annoyed it made me. In fact, calling me sweetie overshadowed the fact that you only wanted to go to a sporting event on a first date. Get a clue, doofus.

And so it goes… My aunt asked me if I had more prospects beyond the doofus and I told her about the pecan grove…that’s a story I am saving for later…


McAuley Freelance Writing helps businesses get noticed online through content marketing including blogging, copywriting and social media. We like to say we’re Word Stylists. While celebrity stylists help their clients find their public style with clothes, hair and make-up, we help our clients find their style with words and messaging. Call us at 480-206-6452 to learn more about how we help businesses.



  1. LOL well I certainly wouldn’t suggest a sporting event for a first date. My preference would be to meet for a coffee or beer (yes if you don’t drink either then that also answers a lot for me). I don’t mind trading a few emails or even a phone call but <3 should be sufficient to have a meeting. I'm not looking for a penpal and I could probably fall in love with many people over email but I need to meet in person. I need to know that there is some chemistry between us and I've been doped enough by women using old profile photos, lying about their stats, etc (yes I know guys do this too) but when I first meet someone for a date I do want to talk. I want to hear and see your responses and how you act in public, are you socially awkward? Are you mean to service staff? Are you a sloppy drunk? So again I'm fine with a couple emails and a phone call but after that, we've got to meet. Oh and I probably wouldn’t call a woman sweetie on the first meet, I prefer to refer to her as a “hot piece of ……” LOL (I’m kidding of course, guys be a gentlemen)

  2. “Sweetie” is my biggest pet peeve. Biggest pet peeve of online dating. People I’ve never ever met or exchanged a hello with start emails with “Sweetie”. WTF? Um, no. Pet names are reserved for long term relationships. And even then, I’m picky.


  1. [...] great conversation about Defining Doofuses it was requested that a guy respond to the post. I asked my friend Everardo to weigh in. [...]

  2. [...] The Lesson: If you don’t want to go out with a woman, don’t make up excuses like pecan groves in other states. Just tell her the truth. If you really have deals in other states, you should stay in contact with her. And if you have a wife you’re cheating on, stay the f*** away. In related news, if she gives you her phone number, use it sweetie. [...]

  3. [...] as to why we haven’t even gotten to the first date. I have blogged about some of them here – The Doofus, The Pecan Grove and others – who couldn’t close the deal on a first [...]

  4. [...] you’ve read my relationship blog posts, you know doofuses bug the crap out of me. In my blog post Defining Doofuses, I discuss my experience with these clueless souls. They’re clueless about everything from [...]

  5. [...] When you have given up on online dating because they are doofuses. [...]

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