An Open Letter to Women Who Don’t Appreciate their Men

ekp-mcauley-0450-2Dear Women who are married to awesome guys and don’t appreciate they are married to awesome guys –

You know who you are.

You piss and moan about how he leaves his dirty socks on the floor instead of in the hamper.

You nitpick about everything from his fingernails to his wardrobe to his mother, brother and best friend.

You don’t like who he is and you want to train him to be someone or something he is not.

I know he runs his own business, coaches Little League and is saving the world from bad people but he leaves his super hero cape on the floor. I withhold sex for that. 

You cheat on him.

You think about cheating on him.

In case you forgot, you chose to marry him.

At some point you loved him.

You loved everything about him.

You loved being the person to take care of him – and his misplaced dirty laundry.

You found his family quirky and interesting.

You thought he was sexy.

You thought he was The One.

What happened?

For those of us who are single and looking for love, we watch you and wonder what the heck you’re thinking.

He loves you to the ends of the earth and back again.

He works hard to make sure you have what you need.

He wants you to want for nothing.

He is loyal to his friends and family.

He holds the door for you and your gaggle of gossipy friends.

He’s aging quite nicely.

In my opinion you’ve got a non-doofus winner.

Clearly you don’t appreciate who you have. In case you’re wondering, the grass isn’t greener here in SingleVille.

SingleVille is filled with doofuses. You should be happy you have a non-doofus, no matter where he leaves his underwear.

I know many single women who would be happy to take your non-doofus husband off your hands. Leave a note in the comments and we can make arrangements.


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  1. I appreciate my non-doofus husband, even when he acts like a doofus. Hands off, he’s MINE!

  2. Vladimir Koltypin says:

    Awesome post!!! Thank you for putting this from a woman’s point of view! Keep up the great work.

  3. Ha! So agree with this. I’m surprised by so many women and men that seem to forget that relationships take work to keep them alive and viable. =) Mine is totally worth it, and I remind myself even in doofus moments that I’m lucky to have found him.

  4. And may I add, if you decide that you don’t want your non-Doofus husband any longer, don’t cheat on them or treat them like crap. Grow a proverbial pair and break it off in a respectable and honorable way. Men, pay attention to that last comment, too. Nice post, Anne.

    • Amen, Jill. Perhaps there is a Big Fat Cheater blog post coming soon… I dated him…that’ a helluva story to tell… he was a drunk cheater. Class act. I thought my dad was going to kill him.

  5. Kimberly Blackstock says:

    Do awesome men actually exist? I wonder if these awesome men are like my awesome husband that thinks he is some type of God, and should be worshiped. Do these men even for a second consider that these men dont show one ounce of appreciation to their wives that probably like me wait on them hand and foot. Really?? Are we still living in the stone ages that men still need to be validated and when a woman is more accomplished than he is he finds a public way to trash her. Sad guys really sad.. Grow up and get a grip…

    • If he thinks he is awesome, he probably isn’t awesome in the way I am thinking about awesome. The awesome ones don’t know they are – it’s part of what makes them who they are…and how they are. They love and respect women because that is what a real man does. And as women we should love and respect them too. Work hard at the relationship — and sometimes that means leaving. Took me entirely too long to figure that out. I am grateful I didn’t spend a lifetime with the wrong person. Now I know what I want and would rather be alone than with a doofus.

  6. Well said! It got me thinking about what I might have bitched and moaned about in regards to the man who “works hard to make sure you have what you need,” etc., etc., And in my opinion it’s never really a good idea to withhold sex, I mean who are you REALLY hurting? Yourself. Glad to have discovered your blog.

    • We have all made mistakes in relationships. I think learning from the past makes the next relationship better – and the next one makes US as individuals better too. We learn what we want, what we deserve and we find that person.

  7. I don’t have a husband, I do a few ex-husbands I will give away but they fall into the category of doofus.
    I do appreciate the man in my life, even with all of his issues, having been both single I am glad to not be in fully in the single group anymore…

    • There is some perspective in having the experiences of relationships. We learn what we tolerate and what is a deal breaker. We learn what we want in the next relationship and if you’re lucky, you find THE ONE…at least that is what I have been told.

  8. Shane McShane says:

    love this! I happen to be a very lucky man! Blessed with a wonderful wife who only wants me to change/improve upon my health choices. She always asks very nicely for me to pick up my things. When I come home from a hard day of cleaning peoples yards 9 times out of 10 times I am greeted with a smile and or a “thank you for working so hard for us”. Marriage may be the single hardest thing to deal with sometimes but it is also the most rewarding! My wife makes me proud to be her husband. Your post is very powerful and I hope many people see it! Mainly because the saying holds true for us men “you get more bees with honey!”. Lastly what a sad mistake withholding sex as a form of punishment is.

  9. I may not be in a traditional relationship but not a day passes that I am not reminded how much I am loved and cherished. Sometimes I do let the little things outshine the bigger picture… Thanks for the reminder to appreciate what I have been blessed with. <3

    • That was kind of my purpose in writing the post — to remind us of what we have and to be grateful for what we have. Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it.

  10. As a woman who just lost her non-doofus husband I want to stand with you & shout – APPRECIATE YOUR HUSBANDS WHILE YOU HAVE THEM!!!!!!! I would do anything to have all those little annoyances back – and all the incredibly awesome things too, which I tended to take for granted!

    • BIG HUG to you. Thank you for your message. That was really my purpose in writing the post — to help people see and appreciate the person they have chosen. I am sorry for your loss.

  11. YES! Sometimes it seems like I am the only one who thinks like this. Thank you!

    • You are welcome! I talk about this with Jen all the time. I just don’t understand why people stay together who aren’t happy and/or why people cheat. Just get out of the relationship…or work to fix it. I hate there are good men who are unappreciated by their wives. They deserve better.

  12. How had I missed this post?!?! I know those women–from a distance. They wouldn’t last long in my world where an ill word is NEVER spoken about my hubby, except maybe to say that he is too hard on himself, works too many hours and doesn’t realize how amazing he is. I knew he was a gem/non-doofus when we met–that’s why I said “yes” when he proposed three months later! Those women do need to get a grip–or we need to get a grip around their necks!


  1. [...] year I wrote an An Open Letter to Women Who Don’t Appreciate Their Men. It was an ode of sorts to men who save the world. When they leave their superhero cape on the [...]

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